Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
