im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
