discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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