Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sober January is a disaster.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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