You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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