Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize