watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
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I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
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I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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