how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
