yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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