she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
