Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i was born a porn star she said
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
