it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
