its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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