made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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