This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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