Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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