i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
