I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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