I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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