did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Too much gin, very little bucket
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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