yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
