just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
