I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
