No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
