so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
