Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
