there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You are the jesus of drinking
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
