I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
