That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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