I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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