lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
