on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
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