i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
