i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
