Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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