It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
