We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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