so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
