I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
