You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
