so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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