Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
