This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think your dad took our porno
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