why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
