I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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