are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
