eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
