thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
