The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Quick, to the slutcave!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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