Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
