So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
