Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
