Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
