My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
