Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Randomize
