Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
