i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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