Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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