Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
