well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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