"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
