When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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