So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
