tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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