last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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