The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
