This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
