dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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