Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
