these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
