what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
