I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
