Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize