Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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