i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
