So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
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