I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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