So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
