He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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