guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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