I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
